I want to thank all of you! To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy by sending me your damn chain letters over the last year. Because of your concern: * I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. * I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. * I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. * I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. * I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS * I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. * I no longer want to pump my own gas - where I will either get AIDS or cause an explosion by cell phone or static. * I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day. * I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me. * I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise. * I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops. * I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. * I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogen's they contain will turn me gay. * I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. * I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bath tub full of ice. * I no longer have a cell phone because I don't want brain cancer. * I no longer have any sneakers because I would hate to see all those poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a pair of Nike shoes. * I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. * I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. * I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time. * I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail program.
I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!!!!Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest friends in the next 60 seconds a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at exactly 5:00 PM tomorrow!!!!!!!!!HURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh $7. The eighth $12. The ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20."
So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share'?
The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal.
So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so: The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings). The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free.
But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction.
Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Europe and the Caribbean.
(Attributed to David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Economics, 536 Brooks Hall, University of Georgia)
BILL HOBBS has posted a link to an online petition supporting President Bush's Social Security reform initiative. Stop by and visit Bill's blog after you check out the petition.
Actually, it's simple. SS benefits are increased based on the level of increase in wages, rather than the increase in costs (inflation). In a long period of very low inflation, such as we have had since 1980, payouts to non-working people who are drawing benefits rise at the same rate as wages paid to working people, which rise faster than the cost of living. Thus, fixed-income folk who draw ss benefits can not only maintain their standard of living, they can improve it, courtesy of the taxpayers still working.
This is the result of fifty years of congressional tinkering, and it bears no relationship to social security as it was created. It's not rocket science, it not even complicated, like the politicians on both sides make it sound. People live longer and benefits rise faster than the cost of living. So people collect bigger benefits for longer periods of time.
When the baby-boom generation retires, the number of people collecting bigger benefits for longer periods of time skyrockets, and the system collapses. Or you keep raising social security taxes and raising the retirement age to keep the pyramid scheme going.
Or you start doing something NOW to address the problems.
Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry support equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."
